I’m going to be writing a short series on “Things moms aren’t allowed to say”. I interact with other young moms a lot, and there seem to be certain important things that are only spoken about in hushed tones. I’m going to use my tiny platform to open a few of these up for discussion. I’ll share my experiences, and I sincerely want to hear about yours! Please email me at email@example.com, or comment below! Your stories can be kept secret if you just need to vent, or I will happily feature them in the next day’s post.
Becoming a momma has been the biggest joy of my life. Each of our children is a gigantic miracle that I do not take for granted! I am constantly overwhelmed by the fact that my body is able to get pregnant and stay pregnant for nine months. I know that I am incredibly blessed to be able to take part in this process of bringing life into the world. Pregnancy can be the worst, though!
I am not someone who likes being pregnant. I know that there are some women who genuinely feel good during pregnancy, but I am not one of them.
I’m 34 weeks pregnant right now, and not a day goes by that someone doesn’t ask me how I’m feeling. I always tread lightly and try to say something like, “I’m okay”, or “we’re getting close to the due date, so I’m getting really excited!”. Occasionally though, when a good friend has asked, I’ll be 100% honest. I’ll say, “I’m so ready to be at 39 weeks! I feel like I’m bursting at the seams. She kicks me non-stop. I haven’t slept in weeks. I’m always peeing. My head feels like it’s going to pop off. I keep crying at my husband for no reason. And right now this bilateral sciatica is hurting so badly that I can’t sit, stand, or lay down without wincing. And I’m super excited to meet her soon!”
Pregnancy can be rough. Why is it taboo to say something like “I don’t like being pregnant”, or “pregnancy is the worst”?
I remember the first time that I said “I just really don’t love being pregnant.” I was picking big brother up from daycare and my little brother bump had just become visible. It was the week after I’d submitted my two weeks notice at work, so big brothers daycare knew that he would be leaving for good soon. The daycare director had just gotten back from maternity leave and I stopped to chat with her on my way to big brother’s classroom.
We talked for a few minutes about how motherhood was treating her. She was so in love with her daughter, and she was excited to be able to have her at work with her. We talked about how her husband was dealing with all of the changes in their home, and she told me how cute my little brother bump was.
Then she asked the dreaded question, “How are you feeling?” I was four months pregnant at the time, so I was over the hump of the first trimester. I was no longer puking every ten minutes, and I wasn’t as tired as I had been, but I still didn’t feel great. I had tons of tummy trouble, my anxiety was out the roof, and I was sore a lot of the time.
I must have had a strange look on my face because she put her hand on my arm and asked again. “You ok?”
“I just really don’t love being pregnant!” The words flew out of my mouth (along with a few misplaced tears). I instantly felt both guilty and relieved. I couldn’t believe that I’d said it out loud!
“I know exactly what you mean!” By this point she had moved her hand down and was holding onto my wrist. “Pregnancy is the worst!”. She shook my arm a little with each word, as if to emphasize her point.
Of course we both immediately spouted off how thankful and blessed we were to be able to become and stay pregnant, but then we shared stories about the awful things that our bodies and minds can go through during pregnancy.
I remember hooking big brother into his car seat in the parking lot and feeling so incredibly relieved that it wasn’t just me! She had hated being pregnant too, and she wasn’t a monster.
Now, whenever I’m talking to a pregnant friend, I make sure to give her permission to speak freely about how she’s really feeling. I’ll ask leading questions like, “how has it been so far? Are you feeling uncomfortable?” If she’s having a great pregnancy, I rejoice with her, but if she even hesitates for a second I’ll let her know that my pregnancies have been super uncomfortable. Y’all, I’ve had a few friends burst into tears when given the permission and freedom to speak openly about how they’re feeling.
I totally understand the responsibility to respect the process and the blessing that pregnancy is. I understand the desire to not be offensive or hurtful to families who haven’t had successful pregnancies. I get that pregnancy is not something to laugh about or take lightly. But I also understand how important it is for pregnant women to take care of themselves, and a HUGE part of that is being free to talk about how hard it is!
So, don’t judge mommas who don’t like being pregnant- for whatever reason it is! Not enjoying the process of bringing life into the world doesn’t make them bad moms. My pregnancies have been the worst, but my kids are the best things ever. I love them so much more than I ever thought my heart could love.
If you’re pregnant right now, and it’s the absolute worst, don’t be ashamed to confide in someone. You are not the only one who “just really doesn’t love being pregnant”.
Mommas, please share your experiences below! Perhaps what you went through will help another momma feel less alone!
Thanks for reading! Feel free to like and share!
My email address is firstname.lastname@example.org, and I’m always up for connecting with other momma’s!